update.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
7:20 PMso i apologize,
haven't posted in a week or so.
lemme update you a little bit on the last week. i finally got my new job as of mondayyy! im so excited, i will be starting saturday at pac sun. I will be training for the first two to three weeks to be a manager. Once i am done training, i will be given the manager position making 10.50 an hr & i will have benefits (health/dental/vision insurance & 401k). Also i will have full time hours!! I'm so extremely excited. My interview with the district manager was amazing, he told the store manager he absolutely loves me & wants me as a manager. If she wasn't going to hire me as one he would hire me at another location to be a manager. Sooo saturday is the big day! wooot.
Other good news, we found out my brother is NOT going back to war. YAYYYYYYY! takes a lot of weight off of everyone shoulders, esp his fiance & mine. It would have been so hard for his fiance to go through this pregnancy without him there. So im really happy about that. My prayers & thoughts remain for the soilders that are still overseas. Hopfully Obama will have them home soon. Change baby, we waiting on that change. :]
Oh yeah, & if anyone wants to be real nice & giving; my auntie told me about this type of dog. THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST & MOST UNQIUE DOG I HAVE EVER SEEN. yeah i want it. they are called Catahoula. here is a pic of the ones i was looking at & want so dang bad!
HOW FUCKING ADORABLE!?!
& the road to success may begin.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009 9:14 AM Also my tax return will be here shortly which means all my debt will be paid off! & Lawlll we all know how hard that is. After this lay off, i havent been able to pay my bills. Since i was hired at hollister, i've been able to throw a little money at each bill but not nearly enough to pay it off.
Im extremely excited, because with a new full time job i'm going to save up & take a nice vacation this summer. I did have plans on moving to NC, but right when stuff starts falling in place, something always has to go wrong. I was moving in with a good friend of mine, but we had a fall out. So instead of moving to NC, i'll be taking a nice vacation. I'm hoping for somewhere down south, i love the south! & lawlll don't let me find a southern man. HAHAHAHA!
Today i am suppose to find out whether or not my older brother has to go back to war. I'm not sure when i am going to find out, hopefully tonight. The hardest part about that is that he has a baby due in aug. I promised his girl that if my brother did go to war, i would come to the doc appts with her & make lil vids of her to send to my brother. so my brother can keep up with the tale of her pregnancy. it's going to be a hard road to go down, but i'll try what i can to make it easier on him.
i'll remain to keep my fingers crossed that my brother does not have to go & fight this war yet again. The thought of him missing his first childs birth is something i can not imagine.
watch your back.
Sunday, March 15, 2009 5:49 PMYou’d think I would have learned by now
That you can’t trust just anyone
I give my heart too easily
People step on it just for fun
And yet I still go back for more
Thinking people can change
When I anticipate humane behavior
People act as if I’m strange
You can’t expect anything
From people you don’t really know
You think they reveal as much as you
But just half is what they show
Soon they get you to confide
Things you’d never share
Before you know it they are gone
To spread secrets who knows where
Not only do they spill the beans
They include some spice as well
Your story wasn’t wild enough
They add lies to what they tell
Sometimes twist what you said
Or leave out important parts
Whatever they do to the truth
Leaves a stab wound in your heart
You never see it coming
The knife enters from the back
Why do friends lack the nerve
To launch a frontal attack?
poem not by me.
5:39 PMi saw this poem,
& i just really love it.
it's not directed towards anyone,
i just love the meaning & purpose behind the words.
THE BIGGEST MISTAKE.
Aren't you sick of hurting me?
With all those stupid lies you feed
Haven't you caused me enough pain?
Shattered hope and made my heart bleed
Aren't you sick of breaking promises
Setting my hopes so high
It's like you're playing some stupid game
How many more times are you gonna make me cry?
The biggest mistake belongs to me
I keep coming back for more
How much you mean to me
Is something I just can't ignore
You're like a drug that I'm addicted to
A Habit I can't break
But the side effects you're giving me
Are too much for me to take
Sometimes I get a little hope
That maybe you will change
For once just follow through
But I know it'll never be that way
Like a drug that I'm addicted to
This hurt I can't ignore
But again I'll make the biggest mistake
And I'll keep coming back for more.
horrible.
Saturday, March 14, 2009 3:19 AMall honesty, you ever had a horrible crazy night,
& you turn to the person or people you trust to help cheer you up,
& they dont?
well i went through that tonight,
i mean it first it was all good, they was cheerin me up & shit.
but then information started coming out the woodworks,
lawlllll don't it suck when that happens.
once that info came out, bam turn my mood right back to where i was when it started,
had me crying again & all that shit.
it was kinda like they aint even called.
only difference was i could breath at that point.
the best way to explain it would be,
your two best friends stabbing you in the back at the same time.
aint no other way to explain it.
you go from feeling like shit, to feeling worse than shit.
lawlllll where do i go from here?
my new fav artist.
Thursday, March 5, 2009 7:05 PM
saw him on a friends blogger,
& i absolutely love him.
just listened to some new songs,
& downloaded his mixtap.
beautiful music!
check out his myspace:
http://www.myspace.com/mateo
the broader view.
Monday, March 2, 2009 6:56 PMLike a moth hypnotize by the flame
We often live and die in the flicker of the mundane
being caught up in the things we do
forgetting the bigger picture or broader view
even though in our heart
we have good intentions at the start
but due to cloudy vision caused by pain
or troubles that fall like rain
we travel a vicious cycle of a rut repeated
slowly our joy is depleted
we hold our head down in disgrace
with teardrops rolling down our face
we have lost the vision
forgotten about our mission
sometimes we feel like a real super
may even be a real trooper
but a soldier can feel lonely
he can't win the war by himself only
we need to remember this lesson
recognize those backing us and count them as blessings
when there is friction among friends
It needs to quickly be brought to an end
or we will destroy ourselves before we really begin
falling short of the ideas that we hold true
because we have forgotten the bigger picture or broader view
We need to learn how to be self-sufficient
not independent
Even though we need to take a stand
No person is an island
Others are needed to get us where we are
to keep our feet planted while reaching for a star
you did not birth yourself no matter who you are
We all need a helping hand or two
So never forget about the bigger picture or broader view
As the I and the me become we
The picture, the view, is no longer cloudy
Because when we hear what was said but know what was meant
Our actions are carefully placed stitches of love
Holding in unity the different materials we are made of
together our talents are like a gift
That inspire the soul and uplift
The dream is made real by the many not the few
So we can never forget the bigger picture or broader view
We often live and die in the flicker of the mundane
being caught up in the things we do
forgetting the bigger picture or broader view
even though in our heart
we have good intentions at the start
but due to cloudy vision caused by pain
or troubles that fall like rain
we travel a vicious cycle of a rut repeated
slowly our joy is depleted
we hold our head down in disgrace
with teardrops rolling down our face
we have lost the vision
forgotten about our mission
sometimes we feel like a real super
may even be a real trooper
but a soldier can feel lonely
he can't win the war by himself only
we need to remember this lesson
recognize those backing us and count them as blessings
when there is friction among friends
It needs to quickly be brought to an end
or we will destroy ourselves before we really begin
falling short of the ideas that we hold true
because we have forgotten the bigger picture or broader view
We need to learn how to be self-sufficient
not independent
Even though we need to take a stand
No person is an island
Others are needed to get us where we are
to keep our feet planted while reaching for a star
you did not birth yourself no matter who you are
We all need a helping hand or two
So never forget about the bigger picture or broader view
As the I and the me become we
The picture, the view, is no longer cloudy
Because when we hear what was said but know what was meant
Our actions are carefully placed stitches of love
Holding in unity the different materials we are made of
together our talents are like a gift
That inspire the soul and uplift
The dream is made real by the many not the few
So we can never forget the bigger picture or broader view
lost soul.
6:42 PMi feel like im trapped in a world where no one understands,
no one is willing to lend a hand,
because no one really gives a damn,
tormented by my own thoughts,
locked away insanity,
fueled by my anger; you see me, you better duck.
no one cares about me,
so tell me why should i give a fuck?
travel in a state of mind,
my fathers running from doing time.
my mother is dead, i wish she had more time.
in response i've never felt love,
i look in the mirror & hate what i see
i hate what i've become
what i hate is me.
Call me a product of my environment
my home is in the streets
constantly searching for peace, yet i know it doesnt exist
got venom in my veins, but i want none of this,
i feel the walls closing in, God i need your help.
Tears run away from my eyes as i hold the trigger
debating on whether or not to proceed
people are quick to take but no ones quick to give
i might sound sad but i aint scared to die
im terrified to live.
no one is willing to lend a hand,
because no one really gives a damn,
tormented by my own thoughts,
locked away insanity,
fueled by my anger; you see me, you better duck.
no one cares about me,
so tell me why should i give a fuck?
travel in a state of mind,
my fathers running from doing time.
my mother is dead, i wish she had more time.
in response i've never felt love,
i look in the mirror & hate what i see
i hate what i've become
what i hate is me.
Call me a product of my environment
my home is in the streets
constantly searching for peace, yet i know it doesnt exist
got venom in my veins, but i want none of this,
i feel the walls closing in, God i need your help.
Tears run away from my eyes as i hold the trigger
debating on whether or not to proceed
people are quick to take but no ones quick to give
i might sound sad but i aint scared to die
im terrified to live.
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Erin Marie
23 years young - female
Born & raised in Chicago.
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