Prymetime rip'n the mic.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
7:04 PMCHECK OUT RAYMOND'S PAGE FOR MORE MUSIC:
WANT TICKETS TO A SHOW? LEMME KNOW, I GOTCHU.
Sunday, April 26, 2009 11:35 PMI am someone
I walked past a dead face
even though the person was alive
I saw my eyes in the mirror
and cried at the sight
I looked at a person I didn't know
and I met a friend
I got heads to turn
when I walked past
I learned a lot about myself
when I lost a new friend
I cried every tear in my body
when I thought about love
I got hit bad
then got back in the ring
I climbed a mountain of rocks
and saw an eagle fly over- head
I heard terrible things about myself
when no one thought I was listening
I realized I was strong
when I didn't cry when it hurt
I found out who I was
when I was with someone else
I thought I was lost forever
when a friend found me
I held a life in my hand
and it was my own
I was a pawn in someone else's game
so I surrendered to a brook
I walked the fine line between surviving
and not wanting to survive
I still am
I am someone
10:49 PMI am
A woman
With a full heart, hidden
Somewhere in an empty room ...
With eyes not quite of autumn's gold, and yet
Neither all of summer's green;
I wonder,
If love is a tale made for children
A granting of sweet dreams in their innocence
A honey-coating to help their throats
Choke down the bitter draught.
I hear,
A voice that whispers warnings, half-formed,
Bodiless as hope, until I swear I cannot draw
Another breath unless this spectre be unmasked,
His lies mangled ‘neath my righteous tread;
I see.
A woman, proud, uncompromising,
Diaphanous as air -- less, even, than the tears
That fall in desolation about her weary feet,
Salt poison pooled upon the withered ground ...
I want,
A measure of quietude, a certain silence,
The echo of alone which heals me of dreaming,
The nothing that stills the wanting,
The numb, the cold that laughs at pain;
I am
A woman,
hidden.
I pretend,
That I can live forever -- that Time
Has no puissance but that which I afford Him --
And so, I can wait, I can be happy tomorrow,
Sleep is for the dead; but its ghosts haunt my waking ...
I feel,
Too much -- too deeply to be directionless,
Too real for imagining, and yet the familiar eyes
Hold nothing of recognition -- only my reflection --
A meeting of shadows in sunlit glass;
I touch,
The downy wings of hope, in wonder,
In reverence, in need, in hunger;
Alas, it burns my fingers as a flame,
A sacrilege, self-defined ...
I worry,
That I am alone; that in my longing
I have forsaken all -- but oh, what reward,
What smile divine should light the path to freedom --
And how can I but heed the siren's call?
I cry,
For having too much, for fear of bursting,
And then, when by the pouring of my soul
I lie, a vessel emptied, I cry again
For what was had, and lost;
I am
A woman,
empty.
I understand
That life is what you make it,
That sometimes, the coat of many colors
That marks your triumphs brightly, blends only
To loneliest of grey ...
I say
That we are made by life, shaped,
Broken, perhaps -- unmade and voided --
But always, the core of us remains, waiting
With only faith, with trust, to be reborn;
I dream
Of bluest waters, reaching
With unnatural hands toward the faded sky,
Of dolphins that wander in seas without limits,
Carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds ...
I try
To lead by example, knowing
That merely the telling holds no power;
A gift of giving is merely a day, while
A gift of knowing spans forever;
I hope
That my darkness holds you gently,
That pain is halved by sharing, that feeling
Wields nothing past the words it summons,
Except that it touch you with only healing ...
I am
A woman,
only.
drifting.
9:59 PMI sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.
Negative # 3: i'm too nice.
11:38 AMI've been told this since i was real young. I'm the type of person who is quick to lend out money, if i have it & you need it i won't refuse to share. If someone is mad at me over a situation, i honestly do feel bad & hate that they are mad so i try to work it out with them. If someone fucks up & i truely cared for them, i give them another chance. Way more chances than they desereve. I have come to find out, giving more chances does not do anything. 98% of people don't change, and i have seen that with my own eyes. I have no clue why i continue to give others chance after chance after chance.
Why am i too nice?
Back in the day during hs, i was the biggest bitch you can imagine & that got me no where. So i figured at this time in my life i have no reason to be mean. I love to see people smile & to make them happy. yeah of course i have mess ups, but i try my hardest to do the best i can & that's all i can do. everyone messes up, but what matters the most is what they do after the mess up. I dislike when ppl are mad at me or upset with me, especially if it's over gossip or assumptions. I've had my name dragged through the mud, it finally came out clean & i'm trying to keep it that way. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to be nice, but if you fuck up, ima let you know. I can only bite my tongue for so long. I'll try not to hurt your feelings, but sometimes that is what it takes.
How can i be nice, yet not too nice?
I need to stop being so caring, and put myself before others. I always think about others before i think about myself. I can learn to say no to somethings. Don't be so willing to make everyone else happy.
don't take me for a fool.
Saturday, April 25, 2009 4:34 PMWhen you have a record with me of being a lying, unfaithful person, don't expect me to believe everything you say. Obviously if you have a bad history with me, & want to work on something good, you have to prove it. Actions speak louder than words.
As a man who claims to care for me, & want something serious ... when asked a question you would just be up front, honest, & tell it all like a man. Whether you think its a game, or not. If you would have answered the question with the entire truth, there would have been no game. The convo would have ended there & not lead into a huge argument which has destroyed everything we had.
you want so sit online & type all this bullshit talking shit? If you weren't ready, you should not sit & talk about having kids, getting an apt together, & everything else. If you think i was playing you, you have me fucked up. I will not play you, if i wanted someone else, i'd tell you upfront & not lead you on. i will always have male friends & no one can change that about me.
Yeah i came at you wrong for asking the simple question "who's you going with to the concert? " knowing you was taking some breezy you were just fucking, yet you couldn't answer the simple question because you knew what i was hinting at. So im curious, how is that my fault that it lead on to a "game"? You could have been a real man & answer the question with all the ppl you were going with instead of hiding bitches names. That just made you look guilty as hell, like you were the same man you were over a year ago. Yet all this is my fault? It's my fault you wanted to hide the truth, my fault you couldn't answer a damn question?
i have nothing to prove. i never did you wrong & i never lied to you about no shit. With your history of lying & bullshitting i had all the right to see if you were still on that same shit. & as it came through, you did the same thing you used to. After the third chance, i cant even do a relationship with you. I am not going to even attempt it with you due to the fact you flipped out once i told you another person was chilling at my house & then it turned into all this other uneccessary bullshit. Hopefully our friendship can last, but a relationship is not in sight. BTW; i am grown, prolly the most grown woman you have ever fucked with. So you can continue running your mouth & talking your shit, but the truth is, you just weren't ready for it.
adorable.
Thursday, April 23, 2009 11:18 PM
my friends daughter is the sweetest & most beautiful little girl ever.
she is handing me a flower she brought back from the park here.
& she knows me as "EwIN", not Erin.
HaHaaHaaa.
14 pains worth enduring.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009 9:09 PMWhile reading a magazine, i found this list & it was extremely interesting. Most of them i've done & some of the things you look back and think, was it really worth it? lol this here explains why it is worth enduring. Yet some of them are totally insane & i would never do it. LOL.
1- Going all in & loosing.
Your rush will fade as your, and remind you that gambling is actually more than entertainment you can control the duration of. Why hurry?
2- Splurging on a thousand doller suit (dress).
You'll wince at the hit to your budget. But once you own a suit (dress) worth being buried in, you'll start finding ways to make sure somone will be at the funeral to tuck a flower in your lapel. (dress)
3- Watching the notebook.
Sure, Ryan Gosling spends every day recounting the triublations of his relationship with Rachel Mcadams. But listen, there's a reason woman fawn over this film: on the screen, unconditional love and devotion always prevail. Watch the movie. Fast forward through the slow parts. An then impress her by rememering the plotline.
4- Buying a saladshooter.
Even a strong man can succumb to a late night huckster. The useless plastic doohickey you bought still serves a purpose though. It's hard evidence that many things in life are too good to be true.
5- Fumbling through a bad date.
You show up late. Your jokes bomb. You take a dig at her favorite band. Here's your three step plan to recovery; apologize, self deprecate, & move on. Unless you dwell on your slip, she'll only see you for what you really are -- human.
6- Eating ramen noodles.
Anything that comes in a brick form and costs 50 cents is a building material, not a foodstuff. Slurp up a bowl of sodium-soaked strings and you're garunteed to appreciate a costlier (and healthier) feast.
7- Dating a high maintenance person.
He/she will drain your savings & sap your sanity. Then you'll learn why a person who looks good in sweats and loves chinese takeout is a keeper.
8- Running for president.
Or campaigning for any long shot score --a huge job or a bar beauty's phone number. The strain is humbling, regardless of the outcome. But take a lesson from John McCains failure. If you lose once, don't stake everything on a second try. You'll grow bitter if you insist on traveling only closed roads.
9- Drinking green beer.
Yeah we love St. Patty's too. But once you try holiday booze an dit's novelty wears off, you can move on to more authentic fare. Ask the 'tender to pull you a beamish or pour you two fingers of redbreast. You'll enjoy what you're drinking for once and look way more debonair in photos.
10- Taking all you can eat wing night literally.
Oh the heartburn, cramping, stining, toilet sessions. LOL. There's no better endorsement of moderation than a Kobayashi -size food hangover.
11- Undergoing a colonoscopy. (men)
You have a free pass for decades. Time to man up.
12- Visiting Disney World.
It's magical, we'll grant them that. A castle, flying elephants, the little mermaid in her clamshell brait's a tire for a 6-year old and a parental passage. Go be overwhelmed ... once. Next time you're family will be ready for true magic: Yosemite.
13- Lying to your mother. (men)
If you always told your mom the truth about where you were going, you never would have touched your first breast.
14- Training poorly then competing anyways.
Sure you should have worked up to a taper before that 10-k road race. Probably should have stretched better, too. But there's nothing like being passed in the stretch by that 52-year old 14th place masters class finisher to motivate you the next time out.
earn a spot in my corral.
9:05 PM1- Be something new.
I want someone who can respectfully challange me. I know what i believe, so there's new point in my tkaing on a relationship with someone who thinks like me or laughs at what i laugh at. I enjoy someone who can off me something different.
2- Don't be needy.
I am very independant, and i need a man to be independant as well. I love to do cute thoughtful things for my man. I only enjoy caretaking when i know he wont become dependant on it.
3- Let the little things slide.
Dont pay attention too much to every little screw up. None of that "oh you were 5 mins late" business. Sorry but if you really want to fight about things on that level, then i can't even bother with it.
4- Cut the horse play.
I find it cute when my horse tries to pull one over on me. But i don't want a man who's going to play games with me. If im upset, I'm going to let you know, and if i'm happy, you can trust that that's really the case. I don't do the whole passive-aggressive thing very well, and i don't want a guy to either.
5- Let me run it off.
If you feel like a fight is brewing, let me get what i have to get out, and then give me a min. Let me come back more relaxed. Then we can dicuss it, and figure out what to do to fix the problem. Just give me my time & i promise things will work out a lot better.
Negative #2 : Let guys in & out too easily.
8:38 PMI do agree with this one as well, knowing i let dudes in & out of my life too easily. i guess it's due to my fuck you attitude?
Why i do it?
The main reason i let guys in & out so easily is because i don't deal with bullshit. Also i feel everyone deserves a chance to prove who they are & if they are worth it. Obviously most guys aren't which is why they are gone so quick. If you lie, act young minded, bring drama into my life, you mine as well leave before i just cut you off. It's the best way to go. I do agree that i shouldn't let so many guys in just because i have had the worst luck with guys, probably due to the fact i pretty much give everyone a chance. I should be more picky on what guys are allowed in my corral.
How i can fix it?
If i see anything in a person that someone has done before, dismiss automaticly. Also i need to realize i am a women now, i shouldn't deal with men who are still boys aka young minded. If you don't have your life together, why should i let you in mine? I know what i want, i know what i need, & i know my goals in life. Do you? If you don't ... i won't waste my time with you. I have enough drama in my life with my parents, if a guy comes into my life with drama, automatic dismiss. I dont need anymore drama than i already deal with. If you are a boy who listens to what everyone else says & wants to believe everyone else's word over mine, bye. My name has been dragged through the mud before, yet people realized it was mostly lies, so it came out clean. If you want to lie about me, disrespect me in any form, try & drag my name through the mud .. bye. It's pretty simple; just be grown, be about your business, & act like a real man not a youngin.
Negative # 1 - impatient.
Monday, April 20, 2009 1:24 AMI can agree with me being impatient. My friend told me today, "when you want something, if someone doesn't give it to you then, you go somewhere else & get it." which he is completely right. i don't wait for anything. if i want it, i get it. but there has been one thing i cant find, which is a real relationship. main reason for that is ... i'm impatient. most of the time i rush things, i dont use my mind. i feel great so i just keep going & i dont look back.
why am i impatient?
i always have been, & it is something i need to work on. i know with love, the reason i am impatient is due to my health. i may not make it to 30, or i may make it to 60, i honestly don't know & neither do the doctors. with that, i want to experience love, settling down, a real relationship before my time decides to come. i want to be able to enjoy being an adult, i want to love someone who can love me back. i need to really work on understanding that nothing good will come if i dont take my time & work at it piece by piece. thankfully i have a great person who is going to help me realize the significance of patience & the good that comes out from having it.
Besides love, im impatient with everything else just because i hate waiting. I've always been independant, so if i want something ill get it. i have my own money my own shit, so i spend it how i want it. i want jeans that cost 130 bucks, ima have jeans that cost 130 bucks. i want 6 pairs of the same shoes in diff colors, ima have 6 pairs of the same shoes in different colors. i take care of myself so i don't have to depend on anyone else to do it for me. Also i have this mentality, that if i dont say or do something when i have the chance, i may never have that chance again, so why pass it up?
how can i fix it?
be slow . . . make ppl work hard, don't give in so easily. always put yourself first, & TAKE IT SLOW. i dont have to buy shit until it's a necessity. (damn that one will be hard.) All chances are not worth taking, think of the positive & negatives before you take a chance. Decide if it's really worth taking or can i pass it up?
negatives.
Saturday, April 18, 2009 1:32 AMim going to start asking people to give me something negative about me, whether its small or big & post it. this way people can see my negatives & know ahead of time.
*when talking, you space out
*you can't cook, also you're lazy!
*you let guys in & out of your life too easily.
*you are negative about things you shouldn't be.
*YOU DISS MY BIG GIRL FRIENDS!
*you're very picky.
*you don't think before you speak.
*i don't like that you won't give me a second chance to show you that i'm a better man and will treat u good.
*impatient
*you're trust issues from your past; need to leave em in your past.
* you're too nice.
...to be continued
him.
1:11 AM Friday, April 17, 2009 8:02 PMmmh i'm not the type to open up but currently i feel like expressing myself . i've been thru miles of shit in my life , but everyone has a story . my problems in comparison to others are not drastic , but i feel like everyones problems matter physical , mental , emotional ..ABUSE.. . heartbreak && heartache . all situations that hav been presented in my life . all situations i hav overcome . all situations i plan never to put myself into again . && that is why i am the way i am . i'm not angry or bitter / im smart . it makes no sense to expect different outcomes if you repeat an action . so i refuse to be repetitive . btw ; God doesn't make trash .
2:30 AMthis pretty much sums up how i've felt over the years. you will prolly never understand, but it makes perfect sense to me.
"I'm used to being lonely. Heart is still obliterated... I must have put the pieces back together wrong because I'm still missing that one last piece to fill in that empty space and I don't think I'll ever find it."
fanciful
Friday, April 10, 2009 11:54 AMsunrises with the golden gleam
i loath that thing; who is me?
cracklin heard on the surface of the frozen stream
i might make another break through; who is me?
smiles that are chipper, shimmer of a river
dont mix right with me like a liver with some liquor
paradoxes like an echoeing silence, should i let go of ryhming?
since when did retro become stylish
stars pollute the skies; scars abuse the eyes
how far apart from the truth am i
with my laces double notted but my shoes untied
blue meadows, surrounded this shanty town
true ghettos, found fancy brow
grabs the attention, prehaps she should mention
with a positive tension, objection
the children play a whimsical game
this place is more like a visual thing
in touch by time & it belongs that way
in touch by ryhme & other songs that play.
wonderland.
11:40 AMnothing is what it seems
dreams mean things
unfathomable things
unfashonable things
gleam in the fresh blood stream
wealth controls the flesh
submerged in distruction; hold your breath
do your best when you're outta time
and all wrapped up, how can you get out of that bind?
cheshire cats in head wraps
slit wrists with bled facts
clwons hung upside down
smiles became frowns
as the rain poured
"THIS ISN'T WHAT IT'S MADE FOR."
exclaimed the Lord
rain spouts from the brim
of an excentric grim
could it be him?
the guy who would trick a girl and laugh at her
the pedafile outta exile, the mad hater
i thought i came for a reason
stayed for a season
this game was a beacon
so i laid for a weekend
never decided to sleep in
i wore out my welcome, i must leave
trust me, it crushed me
didnt rub me the wrong way, it brushed me
pearls from the sand grains
with last names
girls
the ones that were born with
big mouths & sore lips
exactly where they're forced to store dick
im over it, i swore this
but its just not enough as i want in this abyss
i'll prolly ponder on this until 2066
i guess i didnt do this properly
gave him more chances than monopoly
i thought he was doing his best
whe he'd reach in the community chest
this wonderland is crazy, perplexion even
i guess now im fully dressed & leaving
JAH RASTAFARI bless this heathen
maybe his soul can rest this evening.
one of my favs.
11:31 AMthe doors are closing,
my pores corroding,
i am no more than folk lore.
I've been spoken for
broken more times than promises
i am of a drunken father who bares little aknowlegdment
than a porcelin egg, when you apply elbow grease while polishing.
than the full paper bill when you get change for a doller
it don't add up like 10-10, now what?
let me take you for a ride, now mount up.
i have skeletons in my closet, rebellion in my conscious
rebellion is my complex, rebellion is my gauntlet
from the anarchy symbol painted on my wall
jaded from alcohol fame isnt what i recall
wait ... a rebound from the sound of the ground when i walk,
the squeek of my sneaks to the speak of my speech.
mhmm.
9:54 AMღ Dreadsღ Soft Lipsღ Back Tattoosღ Sexy Accentsღ Deep voicesღ Dark Skinღ Pretty Smiles
makes my heart skip a beat .... srsly!
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Erin Marie
23 years young - female
Born & raised in Chicago.
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